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March 3rd, 2006

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11:10 am - Fic: Five Times Jayne Walked Away From Serenity and One Time He Didn't
My muse has been MIA for so long. *hugs her* Now if only she'll let me write the WIPs instead of new stuff...

Title: Five Times Jayne Walked Away From Serenity
Author: Rinny
Rating: PG
Characters: Jayne, crew
Word Count: 1781
Notesmichmak is so wonderfully beautiful, she wrote a companion to this, posted directly after. MUCH love for her.


The scar itches where the skin has grown in around the sutures on his chest. It itches and it burns. The girl marked him as surely and permanently as them doctors scarred up her brain. Left him branded. Not that he was like to forget her anyway. Not often a man sees a girl spring outta a box the way she did that first day.

He tugs at a suture through the thin material of his shirt, wanting to rip it out with his bare hands.

Jayne hasn’t ever been known for a wealth of good sense, but he ain’t as dumb as they all think. Near lost his life ‘cause of the ruttin’ doctor and his sister. He was good as dead, stuck in the airlock, ‘cept Mal changed his mind.

He doesn’t expect to be as lucky the next time.

He likes it here on Serenity. Got a bunk all to his self, run of the kitchen whenever he wants, ten-percent of every take and women such as he ain’t never seen back home, even if he can’t touch a-one of them. He tells himself that he wont jeopardize a good thing.

Even likes the Captain, when it comes down to it. Man might act foolish most times, but he ain’t never been unfair. He’s honorable. Jayne didn’t know the meaning of the word ‘til he met Mal.

He kinda hoped some of it had rubbed off.

But honor ain’t contagious.

A better offer will come along eventually.

And that girl will be the death of him, if he lets her.

Hitching his bag over his shoulder, he slips through the airlock while the rest are still just waking, a cigar clamped between his lips and his armory strapped to his body. The sunlight is blinding as he steps onto the hard packed earth.

Jayne ain’t as dumb as they all think.



The ship ain’t the same since Miranda. There’s weight in the air and it makes him sluggish. Started botherin’ him so much, he asked Kaylee if the Grav-drive was done up all wrong and she just smiled at him in that way that makes his heart ache.

He finds himself watchin’ the others, wondering if they feel it too. The captain smiles still and Jayne stares too hard, trying to look past the shadows to see if it’s the same as before, until Mal stops smilin’ altogether and Jayne realizes he’s caught.

Simon and Kaylee are always glowin’ and he has to look away sometimes, ‘cause his eyes burn from lookin’ at all the happy. Only sometimes, he sees the desperation smolderin’ like coals underneath.

He looks away then too.

It don’t seem to phase Inara none, she don’t look a bit different. Elegant. Beautiful. Fragile. Like she couldn’t have raised a weapon and killed half a dozen Reavers like he knows she done. He wonders if she’s got it buried deep down and if it makes the nightmares worse.

He knows River feels it, ‘cause she told him so in that creepy, serious way with big, understanding eyes that shoulda sent him runnin’ in the opposite direction, but instead made him pull her into a sorta one armed hug. Only lasted a second before he realized what he was doing, and ran hell and high water for his bunk.

Sometimes, he sees Zoe’s smile stop nearly ’fore it starts and he thinks it’s maybe because she remembers half-way through that nothin‘s as funny without Wash. He tries extra hard to protect her when they’re out on a job. Almost gets Mal shot ‘cause he was tryin’ so hard to keep Zoe outta harm’s way. After, he kept his eyes focused on the dust at his feet when Mal lectured him. He didn’t mind it mostly, ‘cause he can protect her from the bullets, but not the memories that freeze her smile.

The ship ain’t the same since Miranda, and Jayne thinks it’s because they’re a family now.

He packs his bag one day and tells ‘em all he’s leavin’. They kick up a mighty fuss trying to stop him, and that’s how he knows he’s makin’ the right decision.

The gravity on Three Hills is Earth-norm, but with each step he takes away from Serenity he feels it pulling down on him, ‘til he can barely lift his feet from the ground.

He trudges on and doesn’t look back.

He lost a brother on Haven and another on Miranda… he won’t be around to lose more.



…she goes…

He ain’t good at this. Best tracker in the ‘verse, he’d boasted to Mal when he hired onto Serenity. But this ain’t back woods and desert, it’s a ship and the tracks she left ain’t made of dust.

…put a bullet…

He ain’t scared, but his hand shakes. Can’t stop himself from thinkin’ what she did. Sees it behind his eyelids every time they close.

She ain’t prey, but he hunts her anyway.

…we’re gonna…

Ain’t a preacher. But he stands over them all, thinkin’ on what the Shepherd would say. Trying to picture Book’s face, but it’s all hazy.

He rubs his eyes.

He ain’t cryin’.

…she goes…again…

He ain’t a pilot neither, but he manages to land Serenity without crashin’ her.

He’s not sure he’d care if he did.

…gonna have to…

He ain’t a sentimental man. He opens the doors to the ship and breathes in the fresh air and it don’t matter.

He still smells the copper of blood.

He walks off the ship, doesn’t take anything with him but the clothes on his back.

…woolly again…

He feels naked without a weapon, but his are all stained red.

He looks down at his hands, seein’ them dripping blood, though he’s washed them a hundred times. Doesn’t think it’ll ever come off.

…a bullet to her…

He ain’t gonna be free of this. Can’t ever be free of Serenity.



Jayne ain’t never been one for goodbyes. Usually, when he was leavin’ a place it was at the urgin’ of one kind of weapon or another, and he wasn’t wishin’ anything near nice on the person (or persons) he was partin’ company with.

‘Course, Serenity was different.

Knew that right from the start, when the Cap’n hired him on and then didn’t kill him straight off when he wasn’t at gunpoint no more. Not that he expected him to, Jayne was good at sussin’ out a man’s character, but most men wouldn’t have done like Mal.

He smirked, weren’t no one quite like Mal in the entire ‘Verse. And Jayne had seen plenty of what the ‘Verse had to offer.

He hadn’t ever planned on stayin’ on Serenity forever, but he lasted longer there than anywhere else he’s been. Always felt a little lighter walkin’ toward the ship after a job, or even a night on the town after a good payday.

Been plenty of bad times aboard, maybe even more than their fair share, but he don’t regret ever signing on with Mal’s crew.

‘Cept for maybe right now.

He’s got River climbin’ on him like a jungle gym, her legs wrapped around his waist and her arms secure around his neck, makin’ it near impossible to give Kaylee a proper hug. Not that the mechanic was minding, she seemed plenty content to squeeze the life out of him, River and all.

He looked to Simon for help, but the Doc only made a half-hearted attempt to get River off before making a long speech about friendship and circumstances and all sorts of other stuff that Jayne already knew. And puttin’ it into words, even fancified words, was ruining it.

Wash cracked a joke, and then another. His running commentary kept goin’ and goin’ ‘til Jayne felt near to shuttin’ him up himself. Except, he figured he might as well get an earful of the pilot’s smart mouth before leavin’. Didn’t expect to hear from it again.

Book gave him a quiet smile and even softer words, and somehow Jayne heard him over Simon’s speechifying and Wash’s one-man-act and Kaylee’s crying. Jayne thinks he might miss Book most of all.

Stuns him a little, when Inara steps forward, stepping into the millimeter of space between Kaylee and River and wraps her arms around the three of them. There might be tears in her eyes and he looks helplessly at Zoe, beggin’ her not to join the rest of the women on board in this crazy group hug.

She laughs and shakes her head, but she watches them and wraps her arms around herself.

Mal hangs back and Jayne can see the way his eyes are dartin’ all around, the way they do when he’s plottin’ at something. He hopes Mal don’t ask him to stay. Might be able to resist the girls and the rest of the crew, but if Mal asks he might just…

He quickly disengages from Kaylee and Inara, peeling River off himself, and slings his bag over his shoulder. He offers his hand to Mal. “Cap’n.”

Those eyes that were dartin’ about so quick before fix on his and they clasp hands. “Jayne.”

A glimmer of a smile, and then Jayne turns his back on Serenity to face Jericho and the achingly familiar house silhouetted by the falling sun.




It was Kaylee, in the end, who told him how to do it.

Cap’n ordered him to help with the heavy lifting in the engine room, and that girl couldn’t ever stop talkin’ about her baby. This part ‘n that part, what they did and how they worked.

Docket sensor’s most fragile thing on this boat. Made o’ glass. It shatters, we ain’t goin’ no where ‘til we get ‘nother. Ain’t like too though, near impossible to get to.

Girl didn’t lie. Took him more’n an hour to wedge himself in close enough, the metal of the engine pressing hot to his belly and back. Didn’t take more than a tap to break the sensor, gorram thing was only as big as his fingernail. He smiled grimly, wiggling his way back out. It would take her days to find what was wrong.

She wouldn’t have days.

Jayne didn’t ever make the same mistake twice. Kept his head all full of sex and violence, so River weren’t like to poke around. And he waited. Kept waitin’ til he got a contact he could trust. Someone who’d pay in advance for the delivery and give him time to escape.

Ain’t many stupid enough for that, but Jayne found one. The reward ain’t as much as Dobson offered or the Feds, but he figures it’s evened out, because this time, he’s walkin’ away.

Title: ...And One Time He Didn't
Author: michmak
Rating: PG
Word Count: 372
Notes: Rinny is evil, but I love her anyway.  Forgive the angst.  Hope it's not too maudlin and cheesy but the damn bunny was reaver-like and forced me to do his bidding.

The last time Jayne left Serenity, he wasn't walking.

The others watched him leave, all serious and somber-like. Mal's face had been stern and his eyes barren. Jayne wanted to tell him things was alright but didn't know how. Inara was beside him, composed and pale, clasping Mal's hand tightly in her own.

Kaylee was cryin' a'course. He had to admit, he would have felt badly 'bout himself if she hadn't been. It made him feel good, knowin' he was worthy of her tears. Made him ache in the gut a little, too, truth be told - little Kaylee weren't a woman born for grief.

Zoe watched, like she normally did, stoic and expressionless, but Jayne saw her flinch when the bay doors opened. The flinch told him everything he needed to know.

Doc watched bleakly. Weren't much more he could do anyway. He'd done his best to get Jayne to stay, but sometimes his best weren't good enough and Jayne had been tired of fighting.

River knew. She was the only one who was happy for him. Her serious brown eyes glimmered with tears but she was smiling. When she'd kissed him goodbye, on his cheek just above his beard, she'd whispered that she would miss him and that she understood why he had to go.

"A heart as big as yours need some rest."

They'd given him one of Wash's dinosaurs, Book's Bible and Vera. The dino was in his shirt pocket and the tail was stickin' into his chest, but it didn't bother him none. Book's bible felt warm and comfortable in his hands; he swore he felt the older man's presence just beyond the doors. Vera was a comfortable weight against his legs. His orange hat was on his head.

Simon had made the pine box they'd put him in; had the blisters and splinters to prove it. Jayne thought it was fine - finer than anything he had the right to.

He watched as they carried him off the ship and towards the cairns of the others. Saying goodbye was hard, so he hung around for a bit longer watching them, shoring up his memories.

Later that day, after they'd left, he went in search of Book.

Current Mood: happyhappy
Current Music: Still Frame, Trapt
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(31 comments | Leave a comment)


[User Picture]
Date:March 3rd, 2006 08:36 pm (UTC)
These were fantastic, and so was michmaks! :)
[User Picture]
Date:March 3rd, 2006 08:44 pm (UTC)
damn me for being invisible last night! i would hvae seen these before, otherwise!

as before, love the first four, and love the betrayel piece. the one where Jayne has to put a bullet to River hit me hard. poor baby!

and mich, the dinos! and vera! and his hat! and River understanding and him looking for Book! *falls over*

stop trying to kill me, you two!
[User Picture]
Date:March 3rd, 2006 08:49 pm (UTC)
Each piece is so good, and as a collection, very representative of where Jayne's character could go. Excellent!
[User Picture]
Date:March 3rd, 2006 08:59 pm (UTC)


Damn you all!
I had some time to kill before I went out in search of a job so I thought I'd read some lovely fic.

But you see all of these make me cry. I bawled like a baby and ruined my make-up. I looked all presentable and such but you had to go and mess it up!

He lost a brother on Haven and another on Miranda… he won’t be around to lose more.

Wow... painfully beautiful.

Loving all the Jayne and Book stuff, very sweet. Their friendship was my very favorite.

[User Picture]
Date:March 3rd, 2006 09:32 pm (UTC)
these are all great and love the Jayne sketch/ lj layout!!
[User Picture]
Date:March 3rd, 2006 11:00 pm (UTC)
You said you were going to do it and WOW! Just, WOW! Those were beautiful (and heartbreaking).

P.S. I should have yours by early next week (if I can find a beta). It's turning into an actual fic (rather than a drabble/ficlet), so I need to have it looked at first.
[User Picture]
Date:March 4th, 2006 09:49 am (UTC)
Hee! I'm glad you liked. No worries on the fic. Take your time. I'm really just excited at the prospect of Jayne/Inara!
[User Picture]
Date:March 3rd, 2006 11:12 pm (UTC)
Oh my goodness those were good. I'm glad your muse came back to you.
[User Picture]
Date:March 4th, 2006 02:02 am (UTC)
I really enjoyed those fantastik little glimpse into Jayne-that-never-was. Very nice!
[User Picture]
Date:March 4th, 2006 02:52 am (UTC)
Those were all wonderful. And that last one... ::sniffs loudly::
[User Picture]
Date:March 4th, 2006 04:22 am (UTC)
Oh... just, oh. *breathes*

These were all incredible. Heartwrenching, and amazing and they made me cry. So beautiful. Two and Three especially killed me, killed me right dead, but they all made my heart trip in my chest. And the last one? Oh Jesus. Tears. So many tears!

Great, great work guys. ♥ ♥

[User Picture]
Date:March 4th, 2006 05:11 am (UTC)
These are all lovely. So very, very good.
(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]
Date:March 4th, 2006 06:16 pm (UTC)
*grin* Stop, you're making me blush. I'm glad you liked it! Hee, brilliant? I don't think anyone's ever called me that.
[User Picture]
Date:March 4th, 2006 03:31 pm (UTC)
Ooooooh, very nice. I like each of these. The third one especially really got me.
[User Picture]
Date:March 4th, 2006 06:30 pm (UTC)
I liked this spin on the Five Things format. Because for Jayne what would be most important are five times he walked away from Serenity, him not doing so is important to him being part of the crew. And you hit on some great moments and way he could have walked away. 3 was a little confusing, although who can't like the destruction of it. And 5 was such Dark!Jayne, but still in line with who he can be.

Suppose I should drop a line about the last in Michmak's journal, but the last time he didn't walk away was rather well laid out, giving him a warriors burial perhaps more honorable than he would have thought himself worthy in life.
[User Picture]
Date:March 4th, 2006 06:34 pm (UTC)

I'm glad you liked. I'm sorry three was so confusing, I struggled a little with that one. But I wanted it sparce and short, kind of representing Jayne being in shock. I tried putting in more description, but that was just seeming to ruin it.

As always your feedback is appreciated and loved.
[User Picture]
Date:March 5th, 2006 05:34 pm (UTC)
I realized in reading part three that the sparse and disorganized style was part of the desired effect, and it may have just been the headachy head not firing on all cylinders yesterday that made it fall flat for me besides, "oh the blood and destruction".
[User Picture]
Date:March 5th, 2006 09:32 pm (UTC)
Hee! No worries. I know that particular style of writing isn't for everyone. I usually don't like it myself.
[User Picture]
Date:March 4th, 2006 11:16 pm (UTC)
oh my 2 and 4 were just great and actually the one time he didn't bought me close, very close, to tears! especially Simon building the box! All of these are amazing though am gonna go find someone to hug now michmak is officially evil!
[User Picture]
Date:March 5th, 2006 12:22 am (UTC)
One: You know how much I like this one already.

Two: I think this one is my favourite. The way he sees everyone, sees into them, past them, tries to find his own answers but can't. And the way he softens and doesn't like it.

Three: Ouch.

Four: I liked the image you have of Kaylee/River/Inara hugging Jayne, but Zoe hugging herself. It's powerful.

Five: *glares* Oh, no, he di-idn't! That's very... ow. You used Kaylee against herself! That's just mean.

michmak : That was awfully heartbreaking. Very "my lovely bones"-ish. I like the description of him being worthy of Kaylee's tears... and how River was the only one who really knew.

Made me sad.

You're *both* mean, that's all I'm sayin'!
Date:March 5th, 2006 02:38 am (UTC)
Already bookmarked. Thank you both. I loved them all, but that final one -- oh! Jayne is more complex than he gets credit for, and you both really nailed his voice.
[User Picture]
Date:March 5th, 2006 04:56 am (UTC)
i love the last one so much. Later that day, after they'd left, he went in search of Book. *bawls* great job
[User Picture]
Date:March 6th, 2006 02:58 am (UTC)
Oh my goodness. Each one was just fantastic in their own special way. Captured Jayne's voice perfectly. Sad but wonderfully written. Well done you two. ^__^
[User Picture]
Date:April 2nd, 2006 12:24 am (UTC)
OMG! I'm in tears right now. . . evil, evil people. *runs off crying* Awesome work!
[User Picture]
Date:April 12th, 2006 08:05 am (UTC)
[User Picture]
Date:April 12th, 2006 02:38 pm (UTC)
That is good then?
[User Picture]
Date:April 12th, 2006 10:35 pm (UTC)
That is "you are evil for writing something THAT DAMN GOOD that hurts THAT DAMN MUCH! So yes, it is good. ;-)
[User Picture]
Date:February 16th, 2008 08:21 pm (UTC)

(here from squish_67's recs fest)

Oh! Ouch!

They're all nifty might-have-beens, but I think I like #3 with creepifying River and #5 with crafty patient Jayne the best. And hee! to honor ain’t contagious.
[User Picture]
Date:October 6th, 2008 05:39 am (UTC)
I really loved this, because you have Jayne's voice spot on. Great stuff.

How do I add this to my favorites? I cant't seem to find the link to do that, and would really like to.
[User Picture]
Date:October 6th, 2008 07:11 pm (UTC)
Thank you for the kind words!

I'm sorry, I just created this layout and the Favorites option just doesn't exist. I haven't been able to figure that out yet, I'm sorry!

Maybe book mark and check back next week to see if I was able to undo the damage?

I'm sorry!
[User Picture]
Date:April 23rd, 2009 05:28 pm (UTC)
That part about Jayne wanting to protect Zoe, about wanting to keep her from the memories that hurt her -- it brought tears to my eyes. :(

He lost a brother on Haven and another on Miranda… he won’t be around to lose more. Ouch. Just... ouch.

This entire thing just about killed me. You and michmak have the character so spot-on that it's hard not to imagine that this is how Jayne's story went.

Fantastic job.

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